The Written Word

Hammam … The Weirdest Bath I’ve Ever Had

I entered a small, yet ornately tiled room, filled with heat and steam.  Along both walls to my left and right were built-in benches, also tiled.  In the center of the wall opposite was a grand fountain, with hot and cold taps pouring water into a cistern.  Standing in the middle of this intimate little room was a small, thin man somewhere in his 60s.  Maybe five feet tall.  Hairless.  And mostly nude.  I was taller, far more hairy, but just as almost nude.  No words were spoken (that I understood, anyway).  Just two men, a flimsy loincloth-like shortsy thing each, and moisture.

I laid down on one of the benches, my head and feet just touching the walls.  Side to side I completely covered the width.  And he grabbed a bucket and basically water-boarded me.  Once rinsed with gallons of incredibly hot water, he slid his hand into this mitt, and proceeded to remove several layers of tissue.  The mitt felt like a giant cat’s tongue.  He was not gentle.  Not gentle at all.  I knew it wasn’t possible, but I feared he might actually be able to scrub off tattoos.

Anyway, another waterboarding and a slap on my leg.  Time to flip.  Backside got the same treatment.  Slap, repeat.  Slap, repeat.  Then I was sat up and it was time for the head.  That bald, wiry man was brutal.  He was going to wash every inch and damned if he was going to leave anything that I wasn’t actively growing or using.  One final deluge of a rinse and I was done.  With the bath portion at least.  Maybe 20-30 minutes had gone into this procedure.

I dried off, was given a robe, and he opened the door to the room.  Instant coolness flowed in.  He started up the stairs and had to stop and pant for 10 minutes.  He put that much effort into his work.

Up we went for the muscle-pounding portion of the program.  I was asked if I wanted a man, but after the torture session, I wanted a gentler touch.  I asked for a female.  And got a wonderful, relaxing massage.

Would I do it again?  Actually, yea.  I was cleaner than I had ever been.  I was relaxed and my body felt invigorated.  I did feel bad for my tired, hairless little dude.  Having to work in a steam pit, slapping hairy men and stripping them of their skin.  I wonder who cleans him?

Please take a second to support The Pirate Wanderer on Patreon!

Captain Rick
Our dear Cap’n has been sailing the seas of life for 50-some years. Somewhere between impulsive and a stick-in-the-mud, he finds himself embarking on journeys that will either solidify his wandering ways, or give him a nervous breakdown. Come join him on his new adventures in moving pictures on YouTube at

2 Replies to “Hammam … The Weirdest Bath I’ve Ever Had

  1. Thank you for sharing your funny experience! Now you know how to get really clean! Do it again!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.