The Written Word


Do men like toys? As in “BOB”, your Battery Operated Boyfriend? Do we like them used on us? These are difficult questions.

But first, a caveat. We’re wandering into areas where I might be less able to speak for all men of a certain age. A lot of “sex education” is based on where you were raised. So even though our collective formative years were in the 50s and 60s, the location of that upbringing has a lot to do with our views on sex and sexuality. For instance, I was raised in a southern, protestant, blue-collar family. A man raised in Southern California would probably have a slightly different view. But we were all exposed to the same TV shows and whatnot, so there are similarities.

I’ll give you one historical example, before we get into your vibrator. “The Talk”. Mine was at the age of around 14. Driving somewhere in a car with my father, he mumbled something like … “so, do you have any questions?”. It took a few minutes to get that he was asking … that. And I didn’t. Had no desire to ask him anything, I was so embarrassed. But there was a basic question I didn’t know, and I finally blurted it out. Which looking back was probably the worst question I could have thrown at him. I had never seen porn. Never had sex. I knew the basic body parts, but had no clue exactly how they connected. But because I knew there were “two holes” down there for women, I asked … “which one do I put it in?”.

Well, I’ll save you the aftermath of that question. Fear of homosexuality ran deep in the 1960s south, and basically the entire Q&A session was thus terminated. And sex was never spoken of again.

I mention all of that because much of what shapes men and our views of sex comes from (a) those attempts at conversations with our fathers, and (b) eighth-grade school yard discussions. So as men, our foundations are probably a little less than stable.

But, we were talking about your dildos, right?

Well … first let’s talk about porn. Do we watch it? Yes. Yes, we do. Will we admit it to you? Probably not. But that is where we first saw that battery-powered device you keep in your nightstand. And honestly, it seemed to us to be a temporary measure that was only used solo until a “real man” came around. Or perhaps it was a toy specifically for women to use on each other. And the notion to us men, that we could play with the toys with you, wasn’t exactly highlighted. So when (or if) it was ever suggested, we probably didn’t know what to do with that query.

There is also an element of “Why does she need this big thing, don’t I satisfy?”. And that’s probably an important question, because now we’re mixing pleasure with ego. And yea, we guys can very much feel threatened by that not-so-little, silicone-based instrument of joy. Hell, any man with an average-sized penis is already worried about size anyway. (And don’t get me started on grow-ers versus show-ers!). What we are shown in every porno film is not average sized. That image sticks. And as I have yet to see a six-inch dildo, yea, I’m probably comparing.

I think that the bottom line is that yes, men would enjoy watching you use Bob on yourself. We would also probably love to help, but we will certainly need some very specific instructions. Otherwise we’re going to spin that dial to 10 and go for speed. And there will be moments inside of us where we just want to swap places with ole Bob, because we don’t want to feel too left out. But with practice and patience, I believe most men would come to conclude that it’s not the villain we curse it to be.

I also believe that most of my age-group peers could accept the idea that you can have great sex, all by yourself, with or without devices, without us. And yet, maybe we need to explore that sentence a bit further.

When men masturbate (and yes, we all do, believe me), our mental stimulus is very much imagery. I have no idea what women imagine when they engage in the solo act, but we men generally think about a specific woman. Perhaps a celebrity, maybe one of your family members. Whoever it is, we’re not going to tell you. We’re going to say we “only think of the pleasure, no one else was involved in the imaginary act”. Which means men are wondering who YOU’RE thinking about when you flip on that switch. More than anything, that is the issue for us guys. We’re generally a bit insecure anyway, so not only are we somewhat threatened by the size comparison, we’re also wondering if Brad Pitt was involved in your private moment. Yea, I know, we’re hypocrites.

I’ll spare details, because I value the privacy of my previous partners, but I do remember the first time I was included in the shopping, purchase, and use of a Bob. I was semi-embarrassed to be in the store, and I was clueless as to the operating instructions. But it was a huge turn-on to try. I “allowed” myself to not be afraid, and I can see where that might be a difficult allowance for some (most) men. Which is strange, because now I’m an experienced connoisseur of the product. LOL! And very much interested in watching and including. And even shopping. Perhaps men just need to feel safe on their first experience. To understand that what they based their entire sex-ed on was only part of the bigger picture. And maybe, just maybe, they’ll come to love Bob as you do. 🙂

Ladies Ask Me Anything
Men are supposed to be cool, suave, collected, and strong. And sometimes we are. But usually … not so much. Yet the one thing we do reliably is keep things bottled inside. Well, I’m breaking the code of silence. Parting with the old boys network and answering your questions. Maybe I can’t speak for all men over a certain age, but I can speak based on what I know and what I’ve experienced. Let the games begin.

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Captain Rick
Our dear Cap’n has been sailing the seas of life for 50-some years. Somewhere between impulsive and a stick-in-the-mud, he finds himself embarking on journeys that will either solidify his wandering ways, or give him a nervous breakdown. Come join him on his new adventures in moving pictures on YouTube at

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